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With friendship comes a big mix of personalities. Some blend together beautifully while others, not so much. Addressing icky topics such as being left out, poked, pestered, pressured, or teased and discussing how to handle those bumps often helps give kids the tools and guidance they need to cope.
To begin our unit on friendship, the kids held a smoothly, printed, cut-out heart in their hand (pictured below) as I spewed trashy phrases like "brat" "dummy," and "you stink!" As I said these words they were to wrinkle up their heart continuously until it ended up in a wadded-up ball. One student thought they were slick by saying, "those words don't hurt me." Okay, so you're strong enough to let words bounce off of you but, let's shift your perspective. Imagine your sister, your best friend, anyone you care about being called those names. Would that hurt you? Would that maybe wrinkle your heart? Of course, they took that to heart because they do not want anyone they love to hurt.
After the wad of paper sat in their hands, it was time to "fix" what I had done.
I had them lay the paper out and take several minutes to try and smooth it out to its original state.
Impossible.
This was symbolic in how we can try to smooth things over with an "I'm sorry" after we've argued and showed our ugly side or witnessed someone's ugliness but, in the end, those wrinkles (the hurt) made their mark and we can't undo or unsay them.
An ongoing saying in our home is "Actions speak louder than words." As important as saying "sorry" is, the proof is in the puddin'.
After touching a bit on the rough parts of friendship, we talked about the very basics of what defines a friend. We identified three key things in the ABCs of a healthy friendship. Healthy being the keyword.
Acceptance
Boundaries
Compromise
Acceptance means that we like and enjoy our friend's company. We appreciate their personality and how they act and behave, even if it comes with a few quirks because we all have them :)
Boundaries are, "clear rules for how you expect to be treated." If a friend makes you feel uncomfortable or puts you in sticky situations, they are overstepping their boundaries, and they do not have to stick around and tolerate it.
Compromise is where we practice taking turns, sharing, and all that cooperative goodness, so everyone feels included and enjoys the time spent with one another.
There are many resources between Pinterest and Teachers Pay Teachers.
Next, we talked about when we come across someone who might be a fake friend (aka: frenemy). The kids had never heard that word nor did they know anyone like that, which was good to hear, but it never hurts to recognize what it may look like so they don't get caught in a fickle friendship.
Furthering the topic of frenemy, we defined cactus friends. Those prickly, hard-to-read, sometimes icky feeling people who want to be around you but not necessarily treat you kindly.
So what do we do when we come across one of those prickly people? The chart below detailed the actions a friend might do that we can brush off versus the red flags that warn us to part ways. Parting ways is sometimes the only option, while other issues can be resolved with a good conversation.
I wanted to end the conversation on a good note so we circled back to what true friends look like. We talked about if we, ourselves, reflect what defines a true friend.
I created this activity after reading Glennon Doyle's quote:
"Horseshoes are better than circles. Leave space. Always leave space."
Horseshoes of friends > Circles of friends."
Leaving an inviting, open space for others to entire your circle is wonderful. The "you can't sit with us" mentality is long gone- No more closed circles/cliques.
It made so much sense, and I love the friendliness of it! The kids fill it in by drawing faces of all their friends who are already a part of their horseshoe.
It turned out really cute!
In the end, this conversation meant the most. The questions they asked are what created the flow of the lesson, so be sure to leave time for those questions and to answer honestly and maybe even share some of your own experiences with friendships :)
Save the image above + print it to complete it with your own kids/students!
